ocean eyes. [Levi x Reader]

“Have you ever thought of what you’ll do once the titans have been eradicated, Captain?”

The night wind carried her fruity voice to his ears, her words crystal clear despite the raging storm that was soon to target them too, and Levi took a sip from his tea. The stars were fallen in the black, up, up in the sky, casting shadows of lights on their forms, enough so the oil lamp wasn’t necessary. They were glinting, teasing, sparkling in the dark sea, where their queen was the Moon, dominating them with her guiding shine, the mermaid in this vast ocean of nothingness but pale water-lilies. The wind blew, caressing his face with hesitant fingers before disappearing in the trees. There was a pregnant silence, only the sound of the crickets broke the tense atmosphere, singing without a care in the world their tune and Levi sometimes wished his life would be that easy.

“I haven’t.” Was his curt reply, before bringing the cup back to his lips, sipping delicately the warm liquid down his throat. It was way too late to breach this subject, they weren’t supposed to be awake, but their inner demons kept them both alert and sleepless, Levi being used to sleeping less than 4 hours, as told by the creases below his eyes. It had been years since he last slept a full 7 hours, 6 years, if he’s not mistaken, ever since his friends left this world, leaving him a mess in bundled up sheets and nightmares. He relied on black tea to be in shape at day, he relied on it to soothe his wounds and will his demons away.

 “When we defeat the titans, I want to see the ocean.”

So there they were, both battling their misery, countering it with unspoken wishes and vivid dreams of the future. She was a bright girl, optimistic and bubbly, though the ones who smile the brightest are the one who suffer the most. Levi knew. He couldn’t escape the shit in his head and his companion was a far too sensible girl for the life she chose to lead. Their hearts ached with weariness, filled with loneliness, these type of  quiet moments were rare.

“Never heard of it.” His mouth was muffled by the cup’s ridge, fingers gripping securely around the mug. The trees were whispering secrets of their dead comrades, telling tales of war, of titans, of loss and of failure, all of them hissing in Levi’s ears, pressing down on his shoulders, the weight they had to carry as soldiers who dedicated their hearts and lives to humanity. The dark was too hard to beat, Levi let himself be defeated and pushed down to his knees, he suffered the consequences and the wrong choices he made.

As the dark was rising, he heard her: “I thought Squad Leader Hanji told you about it. Or Eren. He is rather enthusiastic when it comes to the outside world.” Her tone was light, even though she knew the panic he knew, she’s lost the same things that he’s lost. The walls he hid behind, she always walked through, just walked through them without being shy, just confident, with a skip in her step and her misery weightless as stone.

Once she started talking, the scenery became so loud, he could just feel the waves crashing at his feet, parting ways when they reached his toes, and the girl next to him unraveled her knowledge of what she defined as being the ocean, a large body of salty water, connecting large landmasses called continents. It was like she pulled him out on the beach, dancing in the water, his soul awry and he could watch her all night, the way he imagined her moving to the light, seashells gathered ‘round her feet,  rocks and algae in the distance, seagulls crying in the sky.

“Miss Hanji said that out there, offshore, there are rumored to be pirates in search of treasures, sailors have to be wary of them.”  Her voice was thick with emotion, he soaked up the sound, picturing himself with his toes in the sand, wishing for the high tides that she spoke of to sweep him away from everything. Her face was like heaven, catching the moonlight and there was something beautiful in the way she fidgeted with the feelings inside her, gripping the wood and scraping it with her fingernails, her shoulders trembling in memories that were never to be made.

How would his first time at the beach be? He hadn’t allowed himself to think that far, for he knew that he’d die in battle, without getting to see the outside world. He wasn’t the most positive person out there, he didn’t have a good outlook on life, he was cynical and it was hard for him to think of an encouraging future. But, if he allowed himself to hope a little… To leave his soldier life on the shore…

“At the edge, there are cliffs. They give a great view, but they are dangerous.” The wind murmured in his ear her words, her voice serene, her locks ruffled in the night air, not so different from his vision of her walking down by the bay, on the shore, staring up at the stars that weren’t there anymore.”Underwater, there are coral reefs. They are superb, multicolored with pleasant colors, Armin showed me some pictures from his book.”

He’s lost his faith he’ll ever see something like that, but he wishes he were there with her on the shore, throwing their hearts into the ocean, the ocean that was rough, vast, endless, churning, that felt unknown, that was cold, lonely but for their presence, dangerous. The waves were rippling, he could feel them splash against his face, the salt in his eyes and on his tongue, it felt simply… Surreal.

They were both broken, he more so than her, their minds always lost with nightmares streaming, but this moment, just this moment, Levi waited to be taken out of that place they were in, to break him out of the shell-like case he was in, to feel the ocean wash upon the sand, he hoped that time was still and they’d stay right there. They’d never revisit the life they’d both leave behind. Just this time, Levi let the world slip away, leaving him with her, with her smile that lit up the sky, unshadowing the moon.

Her eyes were exotic, he could see the melancholic waves in them, luminous, spraying and vagrant, mysterious, yet unforgiving, the unexplored ocean in them.

His hand was being squeezed gently but firmly, such an intimate gesture passed between them, though her eyes were set ahead, eyebrows furrowed and the light in her pearls illuminated by determination. “We’ll get to see it, Captain. We have to. For the both of us. For Eren!” Her tremulous voice cracked in the middle, fresh like the undulation she spoke of, but sorrowful, the light shining on her face, sorrowful because of her fallen friends, because she could never take them to the place where it’s control they could lose, they had left with the tide and there was no stopping them from leaving.

Her eyes were glittering like the stars reflected in the clear water described so passionately and so beautifully to him, he couldn’t help but think that while he would never be able to see the ocean or run his feet through the scorching sand, he could at least get to see—

The ocean in her eyes.